Finding a Safe Space within Climbers of Color | Kassy
This week, Kassy shares a powerful reflection on the impact that finding affinity with Climbers of Color had on her perspective that bouldering could, in fact, be a positive social experience.
Every time I saw the herds of people inside I would quickly turn around and say, “Nope! Maybe next time.” It took months of peaking into the gym doors before I actually went in to sign up for a membership. Sadly, my anxiety didn’t improve much once I started climbing.
As a new climber, dealing with imposter syndrome was difficult but being one of the only women of color in that gym made it almost impossible. Surrounded by a sea of white men, I would often hear myself think, “You’re not one of them. They know it. You know it. This is not your space. You do not belong here.”
Almost a year later I convinced myself to attend a meet up organized by the PDX Climbers of Color that was being hosted at my climbing gym. I showed up half an hour early and spent the entire time giving myself a pep talk in my car… and then later having a minor anxiety attack in the dressing room.
When I finally calmed myself down and eased myself out of hiding, I managed to approach the group and introduce myself. To my amazement I had found myself feeling more welcome in that gym than I ever had before. I found myself feeling braver both on the climbing wall and talking with people.
I tried new moves and routes that had previously intimidated me, this time unafraid that I would be judged for my failure. I felt encouraged to open up and talk about my previous experiences with feeling uneasy in outdoor crags and received sympathetic head nods and invitations to join them in the future.
Looking back what surprised me the most about that night wasn’t that I actually showed up (although that was a miracle). It was how easy it felt to be there. It was as if I’d spent an entire year holding my breath and never realizing it until I no longer had to do it.
I’m now going on my 4th year of climbing. I still attend meetups on occasion but most recently started climbing with a weekly bouldering group made up solely of climbers of color. With them, it doesn’t matter what gym or outdoor spot we are in; I always feel like I belong.
I’m realizing now that safe spaces aren’t physical locations but people. People that welcome and uplift you. People who make you laugh and make you brave. People who cheer for your success and show you that you too are deserving of this space.
This gives me so much hope that one day all the places I once deemed “white spaces,” such as climbing gyms and hiking trails, could begin to feel like safe spaces. All it takes is our community showing up and filling these spaces with our trials, our successes, our laughter and our joy.
For anyone interested in joining this community please find PDX Climbers of Color on Facebook. There are ongoing monthly meetups at multiple gyms throughout the city. There are also multiple cities with Climbers of Color groups! Please check it out!
Upcoming Meetups in Portland:
Portland Rock Gym, every 2nd Tuesday of the month at 7pm
The Circuit Bouldering Gym, every 3rd Wednesday of the month at 7pm
