Our Story is Your Story: Kaïa

Hop in, friend. We are going canoeing with Kaïa. Check out this installment of Our Story is Your Story to hear from Kaïa about their beautiful relationship to the outdoors, to the water, and to helping to facilitate connections for others with Wild Diversity. What a beam of light they are.

Can you describe your relationship to the outdoors? Where it started? How it has evolved over the years? How did you arrive here?

I grew up in rural Missouri and did a fair amount of canoeing there. That was one of my favorite things: overnight canoeing trips that I would do with my family and family friends. But it was all pretty low tech:  duct tape on the tent, broken tent zippers, you know. We were just getting outside however we could. And I think when I moved to Portland in Middle School, I felt a fair amount of imposter syndrome or inadequacy around accessing the outdoors. Because even though I had spent a lot of time outdoors, it was in more casual ways. And I didn't have, you know, Patagonia or whatever technical gear that people had and I didn't know the right vocabulary. I've learned since that those things aren't as important as they felt to me at 14. at the same time, it is true that I have learned things since then that have been really important,Like knowing Leave No Trace principles and how to be outdoors without having as large of an impact. But one thing that's remained very important to me is having a low bar to accessing nature and just being able to go out in whatever used gear I have, rather than focusing on all of the right “stuff.” 

How would you describe the experience of being outdoors with your family? Do you still get outside together?

My mom really likes hiking and canoeing. I took her out canoeing for her birthday recently and we go out on occasion. They're some amazing photos of her backpacking with me when I was a baby. With her dog! These days I find that we don’t talk about it a ton, our relationships to the outdoors. It’s just always been part of my life and how I interacted with my mom  when I was growing up. That was how we spent time together, especially because I didn’t grow up with a lot of money. And camping is a lot cheaper than staying in a hotel, or something like going to Disneyland. 

How would you describe your connection to canoeing, versus say, backpacking?

So I backpacked a few times, which I did enjoy, but it's hard work [laughs]. And I mean, canoeing certainly can be intense on your shoulders and your body. But you can take it really easy, especially on rivers. The river is carrying you. And your canoe is carrying all of your stuff. And I love water. I've always really loved water. And so if I'm going on a hike or a backpacking trip, I would be trying to find some water anyways, just because I love it. And with canoeing, the water is here the whole time. I think it also feels a little less intimidating to me. I'm always like, Oh, if I’m backpacking, and I hurt my foot, what am I gonna do? I'm gonna be stuck. There are certainly things that can go bad canoeing, but it feels a little less scary for me.

It seems that almost everyone that I've talked to for this project has had a deep connection with water, which has been a really cool theme that’s revealed itself. Can you talk about that for you?

When I feel most relaxed and peaceful is usually around a body of water. I like all bodies of water. From hot springs to the ocean. Rivers, lakes. I love all water. And I love swimming. I just feel really free when I'm floating in the water. I love all the ways that light interacts with water. It feels really healing and nourishing.

Has there ever been a time where it didn't, a time when you were afraid of the water?

There was one experience in high school when someone I was with almost drowned in the ocean. That was quite scary. But I think, even then, it felt foreseeable. I think that the ocean is something to be respected and feared and loved. And it’s true with all water. You can’t approach it as though you are stronger than it. You have to respect its boundaries. And if you go too far, you may be in trouble. But as long as you stick within the boundaries of what’s safe, you’ll probably be okay.

Do you find that being outdoors in Portland feels any different from what you remember from your childhood, being outdoors in Missouri?

I think there are so many different communities and pockets of people in the outdoors scene in Portland. I've been really lucky to have an amazing group of friends who cultivate similar relationships to the outdoors as I do. I think in Portland some people care more about doing something outdoors simply because they can, rather than because they want to. It  seems like for a lot of people it's more about the gear, and the photos, and pushing yourself to the limit, and doing the impossible. Rather than just about existing and relaxing. I live a pretty busy life, and fill it up. So being outdoors is one of the times for me to slow down and be a little more chill.

How would you describe your experience of being outdoors in solitude, versus in community?

I have mostly been outdoors with other people, rather than solitarily. But when I am outside with people, I really like taking time to myself. So one of my favorite things on canoe trips, if I'm the first person to wake up in the morning, is to just sit by the river and watch the mist on the water. And to have some solitary time. I love the balance of having that and then having days that are full of laughter and interaction with other people. Usually I am outdoors with other people, though I like to bike alone. And to just be with my thoughts.

Can you talk about the paddling trips and what those have been like for you to lead?

They’ve been so special. Wonderful. I came in with a lot of nerves and imposter syndrome and was just worried that I wouldn't know all the right things, or that people would have questions I wouldn't be able to answer. And it was really great to let go of that and say, I don't need to have all the answers. It's okay to learn together. So I went into my first trip with a lot of nerves. And then it was just so magical. And so effortless.

I led two overnight trips, both for two nights. The first one, despite all my nerves, felt right from the very first moments in the van. The group came together as a community in a really organic and wonderful way without us having to facilitate it very much. And it was really cool to have people from a wide range of experiences and backgrounds with canoeing and kayaking, and to be able to facilitate for some people their first time in a kayak and first time camping. It just felt really special. 

I'm a person who can get kind of anxious about things and nervous when I don't know what the plan is or what's happening. And so I am really grateful to be able to create a container for people where they feel safe, where they feel like they have room and freedom to try new things and explore. And where, hopefully, they don't have to be thinking, Oh, do they know what they're doing? Do they know where we're camping? Do we have the right things packed? It feels really great to be like, I took care of all of that. And I can tell you what I did, so that you can go do this on your own. But, you don't have to worry about it this time. And it was really cool, because I learned a lot through that trip as well. A lot of people on the trip were herbalists or are interested in herbalism. And so we were in this space learning about canoeing and kayaking together, but also, people were sharing plants that they knew and birds that they recognized. It’s really sweet to be in that exploratory place together.

And Denver was really lovely to lead with. We complemented each other well, I think. And balanced each other out. It felt really easy. And I felt really reassured that I had someone else and that I wasn’t doing it on my own.

You said to me earlier that your ideal job kind of sounds exactly like your work with Wild Diversity. Can you say more about that and your experiences with the organization?

I think I'm happiest when I'm outdoors and extra happy when I get to share that with other people and see my love of canoeing and kayaking reflected in other people. And see them fall in love with it feels really special. I have a lot of friends who I've talked to who didn't grow up doing much camping or outdoorsy things, and have talked  to them about their fears or hesitations and why they don't feel comfortable doing that. My goal is to help make this an easy process for people where they know that they aren’t going to be judged and that there's no one right way to do things and that, for example, they can take their time learning how to build a fire.

On one trip I led, someone at the end told me that it was the first time that they had felt comfortable trying to build a fire because usually cis men had always dominated that. And it had just not been a possibility. And they were like, This is so fun. I'm so glad. I love making fires now. I'm so glad that I have a space to play with that and learn it and not be in this high pressure environment where people are showing off or  trying to prove their manliness. And of course anyone from any identity can embody that – not allowing other people to learn because building fires, for instance, is “their thing.” So, for me, it’s about trying to create spaciousness around it and make room for people.

What would you say to a person who has very little experience in the outdoors, but is desiring to cultivate a relationship?

I would say there's no one right way to interact with the outdoors and whatever calls to you is a great place to start. And you don't have to go backpacking. You don't have to be an ultra light runner. You can just go on a hike. You can just go to your local park. Really. It's up to you and it's your relationship with the outdoors. 

I think If you want to try new things, like camping for the first time, then it's really helpful to have someone who you trust who can help you, guide you through that. Kind of like a doula – an Outdoors Doula. Because it's true that there are a lot of things you need. And, you know, I've been camping for a long time. And so now I have a list that I use, and it feels fine and easy when I go out. But if you're new, then it makes a lot of sense to be overwhelmed by that, and like, it is indeed going to ruin your trip if you forget a sleeping mat and you have to sleep on the ground, you will be unhappy. And so it's really helpful if you have someone or a resource that you can turn to that's going to spell out what you need for your trip. And what you need to make it a safe and comfortable experience.