Our Story is Your Story: Nia

We are here to celebrate all of our outdoorists, maybe especially those who are feeling compelled to explore for the first time – in all of their curiosity and fear and wonder. Do enjoy this encounter with Nia, our new Outreach Coordinator, who shares about her experience finding her place outdoors, among the butterflies, the deer, and even the rain.

If you were to think about the outdoors as another person, how would you describe that relationship? Like are y'all close? Do y'all see each other often? What does it feel like when you're together?

I definitely would say it's like a love-hate-hate-hate relationship. A love relationship because the views are gorgeous and obviously I want to embrace it. But like I look at all the dangerous stuff in it, like all the bugs, and the sunburn, and just like all the sweat. Oh my gosh, I swear. Like clothes just sticking on you every time. And the water. I need water, and sometimes I forget the water. It's like sometimes you just forget the essentials that you need. And either I overpack for a hike, or I definitely underpack. And it doesn’t go my way.

What's your experience been with hiking and being outdoors? Do you have experience because it sounds like you're not completely avoidant of it?

Oh, I definitely tried a few times. I've tried canoeing, my mom took us to this RV camping trip thing. And my cousin and I got stuck in a tree with the canoe. It was traumatizing. We couldn't get out. So there was that. I went hiking. Walked like three miles, and just turned around because I didn’t make it to the destination. I finally got to this hill and some lady was trying to tell me how much farther it was. And, it was too much. So I packed all my things and I went home. And it was a super hot day, and I wore tights so the mosquitoes couldn't bite me. Yeah, worst decision ever. I was sweating. The only good thing about it was I had my hair braided. So I didn't have to worry about gnats really getting into it, but it was horrendous. Yeah, I didn't like it that much [laughs].

So, a few follow up questions: Why did your mom take you on that canoeing trip? Does she enjoy the outdoors?

She doesn’t – which is why it was weird. She wanted to try something new because we always go to a beach or somewhere I guess very bougie. And she wanted it to be a very laid back trip. Like very family oriented, which it was, except for the fact like I got stuck in the tree. But the lake was nice and we did have a great time. I would do it again, but not the canoeing part [Editor’s Note/Spoiler Alert: Nia went on a paddling adventure with the Wild Diversity team not even a month after this interview. What a champ!].

My mom did have fun on the trip. I think for her it was more about the family being there, and if the kids had fun. I did have a good time because I enjoyed the company, and just being in the lake. So that was really nice. 

And, after that, I’m wondering why you keep trying it? If you have such poor experiences, what keeps compelling you to seek the outdoors?

I’ve always been told that I play it really, really safe. And I kind of wanted to step outside of my comfort zone. So that’s what I’m doing: I moved away and I got this job, and I think it’s gonna be fun. So I guess having people show me the right way to do it. And people who look like me who also know how to do it. So I’m excited. Plus I hate going to the gym so anything  I can find to workout and be out of the gym helps a lot.

So what have you been trying to explore since you got here? What does exploration look like for you?

Definitely just getting to know the layout of the land – what spots I’m supposed to be in, allowed to be in, safe to be in. I don’t walk at night. But just finding all the grocery stores, hangout spots, and food spots. I took the train a few times by myself. And it wasn’t as scary as I thought. Went to the mall alone. I’m realizing that being by myself doesn't necessarily mean I have to be alone alone. Which is nice to figure out.

How would you describe your experience being outside in Portland so far? Do you enjoy it? Are you struggling with the bugs or the weather or the rain?

Oh my gosh, yes. I think the only thing that really gets me every time is the rain. I'm just like, why? Like rain somewhere else. The walking got me until I got appropriate shoes to walk in. Not just my Converse. Never again. I try to go in more crowded areas, if I’m out alone. And I try not to like really wander off too much. I try to make sure I have all of my locations and GPS on, just in case anything happens, someone knows where I'm going. Or I like to call somebody while I'm walking. So they know. Which is really nice. I like doing that. I like feeling a little independent, knowing I could do it myself. Yeah, so that's nice.

What about the rain is bothersome to you?

I’m not prepared. I never have my umbrella when I need it. My shoes gets soaked. And I look a hot mess and smell like a wet dog every time I enter my apartment after the rain. So I just take everything off and hop in the shower, but I do not like it as much. And it’s cold. Rain is cold [laughs].

What is your hope for your relationship with the outdoors? How do you want it to feel, let’s say a year down the road with Wild Diversity?

I want to feel like I like the outdoors and I know what I'm doing, instead of forcing myself to figure out what I'm doing, but I have no idea. I definitely hope to gain knowledge on what to wear, because I always seem to wear the wrong thing. And then just having a better idea of what to do. I'm always paranoid that I will get hurt or I wouldn't know how to fix a cut or something. I'm very afraid of all the little things. So I'm hoping that paranoia would die down, because I would be more prepared, and just generally how to be safe overall.

Have you always felt paranoid about the things that could happen?

Yes, I'm just always paranoid. I'm grateful that nothing has happened to create that fear. I think my paranoia definitely comes from watching Criminal Minds and Law & Order [laughs]. Don't watch it at night. You will have nightmares. But you just hear stories about bad things happening to people, especially if they're alone. Just anybody. So I'm always paranoid. So it's definitely a struggle. But my hope is that I’ll be able to join people from Wild Diversity, so that I don’t have to be out alone.

So this feels like a really big thing that you’re undertaking: to face these really big fears that you have. And I’m curious what that’s like for you, to choose to grow in these really big ways?

I think the first decision was moving out. I've always been afraid to move out of my family home, because I was always afraid to take the wrong first step. I lived with my family for a long time. I went to college, messed that up, and I had to move back home. So after that, I became really afraid of taking the wrong step again. And then I got matched up with Wild Diversity. And I started to feel scared that if I spent another birthday in my house, I was going to feel trapped, and like I wasn’t going to be able to leave. So, I got the job. And I packed everything up literally that same week. And I'm actually really happy. Because this is a decision I made for myself. I accepted a job not telling anyone in my family, which I realized was the smartest and dumbest idea, because no one knew I was leaving. Everyone was like, Wait, you're leaving in a week? I'm like, Yeah, didn’t I tell you? So I realized not telling me anybody really helped because no one's opinion was in my ear. Or in my head, and I love it. It was definitely scary. I definitely cried a lot. But um, I think doing that is helping me to know that if I face my fears, and I'm still afraid, that's okay. But at least no one can say, Oh, you didn't do it, so you don't know. So I did it. I like it. Now I gotta move on to the next: which is fighting off butterflies and mosquitoes [laughs].

Okay, so I get the mosquitoes. You know, they inflict pain. But what is up with butterflies?

I had the worst experience. Okay. I was on the trail with my mom. I was walking, and a butterfly flew in my face. I've never seen a butterfly that close. And it was massive. It was just too big for me. And then it just started chasing me, and I was like dodging, and then I had to full on sprint. And I just don’t understand. Like they’re whole insects and people get them tattooed, and love playing with them, and touching them. And they were like nasty caterpillars and hairy.

What are you afraid a butterfly is going to do to you?

Honestly, I have no idea. Maybe that it might pee on me. I think it’s just anything that has more legs than me. It's over. I try not to kill them though. That's not my place [laughs].

What kinds of outdoor beings do you appreciate, if any? 

I like deers. Because at home when it was really foggy in the morning, they would just come outside. First of all, Ohio deers are bold. They will just look at you. Stare you down. But they’re very pretty. Especially when it’s like dusk or dawn. And they’re just walking in your neighborhood. It’s beautiful. Especially when they have their little babies walking with them. I think that’s the cutest thing ever. 

A big part of this project is taking inventory of our relationship with the outdoors, and maybe imagining something new, if that’s what we want. So if you think about even next summer, what ways are you excited about getting outside?

I think I’m very cooped up in the house a lot. And I definitely love my movies, but I’m not in the sun, and I don’t walk. And if I don’t walk, I don’t drink water. But I hope I can become a healthier person who accepts the world. Because I really like the earth. And I do want to travel and see it. But I have to get over this fear of going into nature and knowing there’s bugs, but feeling like it’s okay. The world’s big enough for all of us, including the little insects. But if I find a snake, it’s over. I’m sprinting to the van and you cannot get me out [laughs]. But other than that, I definitely want to be healthier and happier version of myself, and have more knowledge about the world.

What about the outdoors do you think will make you happy?

Just appreciating it more. I love the scenery of it. And like just breathing in the air and feeling like I did it. I conquered my fear and no one forced me out of it. No one forced me to go on a hike. I chose it and I chose to enjoy it. I think that will be the best accomplishment.